Thursday, January 20, 2005

How to handle hormonal women

HORMONE WARNING:
 

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man  has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!   This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

 

  DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

  SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

  SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

  ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

 

  DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?

  SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.

  SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

  ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

 

  DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

  SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

  SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.

  ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

 

  DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

  SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

  SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

  ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

 

  DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?

  SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.

  SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

  ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.

 

  13 Things PMS Stands For

 

  1. Pass My Shotgun

  2. Psychotic Mood Shift

  3. Perpetual Munching Spree

  4. Puffy Mid-Section

  5. People Make me Sick

  6. Provide Me with Sweets

  7. Pardon My Sobbing

  8. Pimples May Surface

  9. Pass My Sweatpants

  10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

  11. Plainly; Men Suck

  12. Pack My Stuff

 

  And my favorite one...

  13. Potential Murder Suspect

 

 

10 comments:

sanforized6 said...

As a man, I can really, really, go along with this. Very funny, but oh so true! rich

amy122389 said...

"I've always loved you in that robe." is my personal favorite...LOL
~Amy

csandhollow said...

After all this time Pat STILL does not know how to handle my PMS!!

firestormkids04 said...

Hank's gonna love this - his sweetie REALLY suffers - Penny

ksquester said...

HOW true and very funny....Anne

astaryth said...

#13 Potential Murder Suspect ....ROFL... Goes along nicely with my favorite T-shirt 'Don't Piss me off .... I'm running out of places to hide th bodies' <eg>
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind

ryanagi said...

That was funny! I just read it out loud to my husband...he agrees and sticks with "safest" and "ultra safe" statements, most of the time. LOL!

bnanajm said...

LOL - my friend Steve once gave me a tee shirt he had made for me.  It said "I'm out of estrogen and I've got a gun".......I still wear it sometimes.

plieck30 said...

I like the part about chocolate. Paula

lowis6535 said...

   Thank heavens for PMS ... or, at least its diagnosis.  I was so relieved to find out that my disposition was okay ... I would not ALWAYS feel so murderous!  Here, we had all these conditions ... just didn't know it....