Friday, April 8, 2005

If dogs wrote letter to God...

 If dogs wrote letters to God........


Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
another?

Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same
old story?

Dear God,
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,
the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog?
How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice
ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the
'Chrysler Beagle! '?

Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is
he still a bad dog?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get
in?

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God,
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to
be a good dog:
-I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they
throw it up.
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because
I like the way they smell.
- I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although
they are tasty, they are not food.
- The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
- The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
- The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's license and registration.
- I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.
- Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
saying 'hello.'
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under
the coffee table.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the
house.
- I will not throw up in the car.
- I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt
across the carpet.
- I will not sit inthe middle of the living room and lick my crotch
when company is over.
- The cat is not a squeaky toy; So when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Dear God:
May I have my testicles back?

10 comments:

csandhollow said...

That got me to laughing!

ksquester said...

OH, these are brilliant........Thanks, Anne

idonotnoit said...

Hey..How did you get my dogs letters to GOD?
LOL..

astaryth said...

I could barely read some of these to G. as I was laughing so hard.. particularly the one about the cat NOT being a squeeky toy ROFL! Thank you
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind

jspiker said...

The most truthful things in life are the funniest!
These are really good!

vvsweetstuff08 said...

Lol, thats really cute..

toonguykc said...

As a humor writer, I have to say that was friggin' brilliant!  I laughed so hard!!  Bless you for sharing that with us!!    Russ

bookncoffee said...

I laughed out loud at this.  Tugie does most of them.  It is so funny when she comes in and drags her tush across the carpet ---well it looks funny, but I have to yell, NO.   But I laughed at that one since that happens a lot.  Matter of fact, Hubby had to give Tugie a bath last night b/c she rolled around in some dogs poop.

simwarford said...

I love it--and naturally, I can relate! LOL! (Though I tend to smell everything--even other humans; I just try not to let other people see me!). Oh, and I actually encourage Baron to, um, "clean up" for me! (The vet said it wasn't harmful!).

lowis6535 said...

  This is so cute; it's another thing that I'm going to steal from you ... for my dog, Toto's, page: http://members.aol.com/loisontheweb/toto/
  THERE IS ONE MORE DOGGIE RESOLUTION:
"I promise to use my own water dish, not that big white one in the bathroom with the lid on it."