Friday, May 9, 2008

Happy Mother's Day

Cliff and I were discussing parenting today, as we traveled here and there.

“You know,” I said, “it really isn’t necessary to spank kids to get them to behave.”

“I know,” he said.

We’ve both regretted spanking our two children when they were growing up.

Oh, don’t get me wrong: Kids need discipline.

But I’ve learned that discipline doesn’t necessarily mean physical punishment.

You see, I’ve done some babysitting in my time.

Because those weren’t my children, I didn’t feel I should spank them or hit them.  And I found out you can manage a child just fine, without hurting them physically.


I only wish I had known this forty years ago.

I apologize to both my kids for ever hurting them.  It wasn’t necessary.  I regret that I ever spanked them.

In my defense, it was what I knew; it was how I was raised.  

Do I fault my mother for spankings I received?

No way!

Because that’s what she knew.  That was how things were done back then.

Cliff grew up receiving even harsher punishments than what I received.        

Just like me... it was all he knew.

But we both agree there are better ways to deal with a child.

Happy Mother’s Day. 

Please, people... learn from our mistakes.

18 comments:

lisa41076 said...

Mosie, Happy Mother's Day to you and Rachel too, Hugs Lisa

amy122389 said...

Amen to that.  Awesome post, Donna.  Happy Mother's Day to you, too!!!

~Amy

magran42 said...

I too have my regrets but as you say...it's what we knew.  I did the best I could with what I had to use.  Now we are older...wiser...and we are supposed to do what you are doing.....educate the young parents.  Good job.

siennastarr said...

You are right... there is no need to spank.. but, I did it.. and my mother before me did it to me.. and on and on and on.  
There are better ways, and my kids apparently have found it.  They don't spank their children.  They give them time outs, or other means of punishment, but they do not hit.  I admire them for that.  So.. perhaps they are learning what we never did.

Jackie

geocachelinda66 said...

I only spanked my son a few times when he was younger and my daughter only got a swat now and then.  I agree it is not necessary.  There are other things that can be done.  Linda

domsmom27 said...

Uh oh, I am gonna get in trouble here.  Look at the problems we are having with the young ones today.  Parents today are putting their selves on the childrens level and vice versa.  Walk down the street and hear the language and they don't care who hears.  KIds have no fear or RESPECT of adults.  We have a lot of problems with our youth and I believe its because we have become too soft.  Look who is running the show.  Parents have to get back to being parents.             Marlene
        http://journals.aol.com/domsmom27/one-day-at-a-time

ickivic said...

What a lovely and honest post.  I spanked and hubby spanked, it was how we were told was the "Right" way to raise children.  In retrospect, I really regret it too.  Happy Mothers Day.    Vicki

fierrorachel said...

I never got a spanking that I didn't deserve, and I deserved a few that I didn't get.  Yeah, there are other ways to handle it, but Jim and I were never abused.  Happy Mother's Day.

mutualaide said...

Donna, I agree, it's not necessary to spank our children or use physical punishment to get them to behave. We have never used spanking as a tool for discipline or punishment with our kids, but like you, I encourage the younger parents of younger children to learn from my mistakes.  We all make them.  Afterall, kids don't come with an owner's manual.  

mutualaide said...

Happy Mother's Day!

lanurseprn said...

My Mom did not spank us. She managed to find other ways to get us to do what she wanted. I recall they were VERY effective. She was a Psych Nurse....so she KNEW how to manipulate! LOL!
As a result, I didn't spank my son either. I think you really do go with what you are taught. So don't feel guilty at all. You were raised that way and that's what you knew. You did NOT do it out of malice, or to be mean. End of story.
Pam

ora4uk said...

Hi Donna....yes we can all learn from our mistakes....and like you say..."it was the way we were brought up"....I was such a wimp as a kid I never got spankings"!!!.....not that I didn't need them a time or two....LOL...but like I say...I was such a wimp...I too have apologized to my kids...over and over...and I am happy to say...they don't spank their kids....they have learned other ways...thank the good Lord!!!!  Happy Mother's Day to you!!!!  Hugs from Ora in KY        PS...thanks for my birthday card...it was precious!!!

plieck30 said...

Happy Mother's Day Mosie. Paula

csandhollow said...

Happy Mother's day

fowfies said...

I did not pass on the belt whippings I got when I was a kid. That is the way Daddy was raised, and I guess that is what he knew, like you say. I wonder if he regrets it sometimes. Shelby has never had to have more than a pop on the butt when she was younger. Her conscience gets the best of her, she cant stand to feel guilty or bad, so she is pretty good most of the time. Makes for an easy child to raise. I was lucky in that aspect, but even if she had been more unruly, I dont think I would have passed on the whippings I got, certainly not for some of the things I did, they just didnt warrant the punishment I recieved, in my opinion of course. I try to look at it like it made me tough going through that. It also made me extremely rebellious, and to this day, I still have some of both in me.

ryanagi said...

Dad had his belt. Mom had her paddle (The Board of Education it said...)  Honestly, I wouldn't have faulted them for the beatings if I felt I deserved them.  Most of the time I was hit out of anger.  That is the biggest lesson I learned.  Never hit a child because you are angry over something that has nothing to do with them (they are just being a kid and happen to be in your way - easy target).  When my boys do something that really ticks me off (it's pretty rare) I try to walk away and take a breath.  It's hard to break the cycle of abuse.  The urge to strike out is VERY strong...but so far I am managing.  You are absolutely right.  You don't need to hit your kids to get them to behave.

ryanagi.blogspot.com

robinngabster said...

Last time I was visiting with my folks in AZ my Dad and I were sitting out back on the hammock and he said..."Robin I need to tell you something that has been breaking my heart for years."   He old me one time when he spanked me he felt like he got carried away and has never forgotten it, told me how sorry he was and how badly he felt.  Heck I didn't even remember it.  Sure I got spanked a lot but I don't remember anything ever being too harsh.  It was just the way things were back then.  I of course accepted his apology and told him to forget it.

I agree with you though, we don't need to spank.  I spanked Gabby once and it felt so awful I never did it again.  I think it does take more "creative" parenting to discipline without hitting but it is worth it.

suzypwr said...

Nice entry - having been a children's protective services worker, I have seen what can happen when a simple swat on the bum can lead to with an angry parent. Broken bones, extreme bruising, etc - punishment seems to have more to do with the mood of the parent than the actual transgression of the child.

xoxo