Weekend Assignment #80 from John Scalzi:
Share a favorite joke. Keep it clean, of course. Otherwise, go nuts.
I've always been a sucker for parrot jokes. Many of them are a bit on the naughty side, so I searched the Internet for something I could use for this weekend assignment. Here's one:
The Magician & The Parrot
There was a magician on a cruise ship who figured, "Why keep changing my act? Every load of passengers is different and it will be a lot easier for me to keep the same one." So he started repeating his act.
Everything was fine until the captain's parrot started showing up at his performances. After one round of passengers, of course, the parrot starting acting up. Just as the magician was going to finish a trick, the parrot would speak up... "awwk, it's under the table" or "awwk... it's up his sleeve," which made everybody angry.
Then one day, the cruise ship encountered a furious storm and ended up sinking. Wouldn't you know it, the magacian and the parrot ended up on the same piece of floating wreckage. And after staring at each other for hours without a word, the parrot finally said, "awwk... okay I give up, what did you do with the boat?"
Here's another I found:
A parrot was seated in an airplane next to a businessman. When the stewardess came by the parrot nastily shouted, "Hey, you brainless bimbo, bring me a vodka and tonic, and make it quick!"
The stewardess then looked at the man next to the parrot and asked him what he wanted to drink. The businessman asked her to bring him a scotch and water.
In a short while the stewardess returned with the vodka and tonic for the parrot but not the man's drink.
After the parrot finished his drink, he again nastily yelled at the stewardess to bring him another vodka and tonic. The man sitting next to him told the stewardess that he would like the first drink he had ordered, the scotch and water.
When the stewardess returned she had the vodka and tonic for the parrot but again did not bring the man his scotch and water.
The man was starting to get upset at the stewardess for ignoring him in favor of the overly rude parrot and so the next time she approached his seat, he barked at her, "Hey, you brainless bimbo, I want you to bring me my drink right now!"
After he spoke, two male flight attendants quickly approached his seat and grabbed both him and the parrot and threw them off the plane in mid air. As they were falling to the ground the parrot looked at the man and said to him,"You sure have a lot of nerve for someone who can't fly."
Extra credit: Seriously: Do people think you're funny?
I doubt if "funny" is the word that comes to mind when my name is mentioned. Unless you mean funny-strange, as opposed to funny-haha.