Friday, March 11, 2005

clearing up common misconceptions about dieting

Another gem received in e-mail:

Important nutrition information everyone must know!  Please read below. . .


The Facts:

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of
your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.  In
fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets!

7 comments:

csandhollow said...

That is so funny! Round, yep that's me.

sanforized6 said...

I can enjoy my beer tonight, thanks to you! rich

bnanajm said...

OH WOW!!!!!!!!!!  Chocolate, here I come.  (Now remember, chocolate come from the cocao plant and that must mean it's a vegetable)

:o)

Bnana

astaryth said...

Finally! Someone who confirms all my long held theories on diet and nutrition! <eg>
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind

segerfan4 said...

amen! This entry has taken an enormous amount of guilt off me! Diet? what diet?

phlskygirl said...

I looooved the swimming/whale comment!  If it's ok with you, I'd love to link this to this morning's entry I'm about to make!  And thanks for stopping by, by the way!

Aileen

jevanslink said...

Well, you got me laughing tonight!!!!!  Mrs. L